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Madness Within

Poems & Fanfiction

27 September
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Hard to believe, but it’s been almost a year since I created this journal to post here my poems, fanfics, original prose, and translations.

Poems I have been writing for many years now. Although I always doubted anyone could be interested in what I have to say in them, for the last few years they kept trying to get out of my drawer, so finally I decided to let them. Since then I have been offered some amazing feedback and realised that my poems can strike chords in others’ hearts, too.

I started writing Harry Potter fanfiction little over a year ago and I still feel it’s just the beginning of my development. I hope that learning others’ opinions about my writing and discussing it will become an essential part of it, and I’m open to any comments. I write almost exclusively about my two favourite characters, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, although I’ve written several pieces about other characters, too.

Translation is the subject of my studies and perhaps this is why I have no work to post yet. Hopefully I’ll get there some day … As for original prose, at the moment there are just a few pieces, mostly drabbles, posted here. I cannot say whether I should ever have anything more to post, but certainly it is my great wish.

Possibly creating this LJ is just another naïve try to establish my own little kingdom, my piece of reality where I can rule, hide and feel safe. But there is nothing very wrong with that, is there?

Friends bring joy and inspiration. I don’t expect to ever post any locked entries, as this LJ is only for my works and not to discuss any personal issues (although I can hardly think of something more personal than my poems). I’ll be happy to greet here anyone interested in sharing my works, and whose works I could share.

All entries are tagged and arranged in a bouquet of forget-me-nots.

A Guide Through My Works


longer Remus/Sirius stories

A Prank
In their tiny flat it was impossible to keep the smells of cooking from floating to the bedroom.
post-Hogwarts, 604 words; Sirius and Remus have been living together for months, but one evening something changes

Where I come to an end and you begin I do not know
post-Hogwarts, 483 (525) words; Remus struggles not to lose himself in his relationship with Sirius

Stubbornly he lingered in the shadows of the ancient house, keeping away from the light and the noise.
(post-)OotP, 372 words; Remus recalls watching Sirius fade during their year at Number 12, Grimmauld Place

In Your Lap
“No, wait,” Sirius said suddenly. “Come here.”
Hogwarts, 1456 words; lovely pointless get-together fluff

Sirius is leaving. No, nothing’s happened.
post-Hogwarts, 415 words; everything depends on what you want to see

Nightly Light
He has never realised before how skin could look in the nightly light, filtered by the thin bluish curtains.
post-Hogwarts, 417 words; a magical night of two lovers

Stolen Time
In this stolen time I watch him. I sit motionless for long minutes, curled up in his favourite armchair, and watch him.
post-Hogwarts, 357 words; a quiet morning not long before Halloween 1981

fanfics inspired by the idea or prompts of the nest_of_spiders community (First War/MWPP-era)

It’s such a beautiful morning: after days of rain the sun has finally come out, the rays reflected dazzlingly in the raindrops still hanging on the celadon-green leaves.
the Order, 100 words; it’s hard to believe in death on such a beautiful morning.

Sleep Through This
I could sleep through this.
Lily (and James), 100 words; Lily is waiting for James to come back from an Order mission

A Morning
It’s a horrible scratching sound that wakes him and Remus jumps out of bed, wand in hand, still uncomprehending.
Remus/Sirius, 100 words; there’s one thing that keeps Remus going through this War

All Wrong
It’s all wrong, Sirius, they’re wrong.
Remus/Sirius, 100 words; as the days darken, Remus and Sirius’s relationship can’t remain unaffected

These Nights
Remus doesn’t really like alcohol, but these nights it’s become necessity.
Remus/Sirius, 759 words; the world is crumbling down, taking Remus and Sirius’s relationship along. So what is left?

Almost Like Saying
It’s almost like saying Avada Kedavra.
Peter Pettigrew, 100 words; Peter tastes his words of betrayal. What does it feel like?

It’s done. It’s done, he has done it. He, little Peter.
Peter Pettigrew, 100 words; Peter has made his decision. There’s nothing to look back at.

Remus/Sirius drabbles, from their beginning to end

Lost Battles
Moony, I’ve just lost our battle.
Hogwarts; Sirius can’t accept it that he failed

He Watched Me
So I agreed to take him to my private hell …
Hogwarts; Sirius is allowed to watch Remus transform

For A Second
What was he expecting, really?
Hogwarts; Sirius comes to see Remus after The Prank

I’m ready to leave, but I stay for a while yet to watch him sleep.
post-Hogwarts; pure love

When Remus Opens the Door and Smiles
When Remus opens the door and smiles, he’s all greying hair and hunched shoulders …
post-GoF/Lying Low at Lupin’s; what Sirius’s come back was supposed to be, and what it was

He doesn’t make out all the words, but some he can distinguish: “traitor”, “shame”, “disgrace”.
OotP; Sirius can’t escape from the voices of the past at Number 12, Grimmauld Place

The sound of the glass shattering is wonderfully satisfying, but too soon, too soon it is gone.
OotP; Sirius barely stands being locked up at Number 12, Grimmauld Place

Christmas Tree
And then I remember your eyes when we came into the Great Hall on our first Christmas …
post-OotP; Remus is looking for a way to bring Sirius back. Not a typical Christmas fic.

Minutes and Seconds
After Sirius’s fall, Remus left the days and moved to live in minutes and seconds.
post-OotP; how Remus’s life changed when Sirius left

three Remus/Sirius post-Hogwarts drabbles, inspired by the same picture prompt rain at sirius_remus100 community

Just a Drizzle
As if it weren’t bad enough already, it starts to rain.

Through the Rain
What happens next is rain: light, silvery curtains that close around them with soft patter.

When Sirius opens the door, it’s Remus.

short, mostly Remus/Sirius pieces

Leaving — Sirius is leaving. A poem later expanded into a story under the same title.

Number 12, Grimmauld Place —The house holds out its hands …

Here — Just what Remus can really be.

Praising — Searching the words of praise … Remus’s perspective.

Foundations — When the world is crumbling down …

Bittersweet — After Sirius’s fall, there are only memories of dreams left.

Leave-taking — What Sirius’s departure really meant.

Borders — It’s hard to define the borders. A poem accompanying a story under the same title.

Original Fiction

The Ring
In the morning I stand on the pier and look out on the lake, and my hand moves up to my throat.
100 words; my first original piece; sometimes it’s difficult to free yourself from love

And I ShouldUngoliantRedemptionNow I CanLetting Go
5 x 100 words; first-person drabbles about a relationship between a young woman and her grandmother, accompanied by a poem “Much More” (in the same post as “And I Should”)

And here we are, in our respective places again: on the opposite sides of the desk.
493 words; a student watches her lecturer and muses on their relationship

Of Flying
But when the girl said, “You can fly so wonderfully,” the bird was astonished.
100 words; a fable-like drabble about the difference between ability and awareness

I Still Wake Up
There were no goodbyes or silly letters.
100 words; how he leaves, and how she stays. The first (and so far only) piece of prose I count to the “Seriously” poems collection.

Other Poems come from three collections: Seriously, Watching and Desires.